I spent this whole afternoon looking at colleges. I’m a freshmen in high school.
I want to get out of here.

we were on the boat. my blonde curls were flying in the wind and I had my arms outstretche like I was flying. I felt alive and beautiful, not look wise but just feeling wise, I just felt beautiful. and then my little cousin asked me what happened to my leg. i sighed because I didn’t know what to say, how can I explain such a difficult emotion to someone so young. I didnt know how then, but as I lie awake thinking while I should be asleep I know what I should’ve said.
I was in a fight with this girl who hated my guts. She hated everything about me. She would criticize every single thing I said, every little mistake I made. When I would cry she would scoff at how weak I was and it would make me cry harder. I had no idea what I did to her or why she disliked me so much, but just my presence, just me being around or in the same room or even alive annoyed her to no end. And she didn’t know what to do about me, she didn’t know how to get rid of this hatred for me so every once in awhile when it was too much to control, too hard to handle, she would attack me. She would attack me with anything she could find that would leave a cut. A razor, a knife, a pencil, broken objects. She loved attacking me with razors though, because they left the deepest wounds and scars, so she could always see what she had done to me, so she could be proud that she had won that fight. She didn’t want anyone to know that she hated me because I’m a nice, smart girl who goes about my own business. She knew she didn’t have a reason to hate me and that made her hate me more, so she attacked me in places no one else would see. She hated me so much. Everything, the way i looked the things I said the things i did the mistakes I made, everything. she hated everything about me. that’s what happened to my leg
what I wouldn’t tell her though, is that the girl with the hatred for me, the pure hatred for everything about me, lived inside of me.

when you’re lost you push everyone who matters to you away